Say the Right Words: 5 Things to Revolutionize your Relationships.

1. Praise in public and criticize in private. I have never met anyone that adores having personal faults pointed out. If there is only one idea to take from this article, try to avoid criticism as much as possible.

   The only thing worst is repeating it over and over until the person accepts the accolade of failure. If you must criticize, do so by category and praise by person’s name. Act like a dentist who applies lidocaine. Always use a compliment first before criticism to the category of the target person.

   Praise over the small things, gush over the big stuff, and repeat praise until the recipient acknowledges its warm regards. Loathe criticizing.

2. Avoid Blame and Shame. Blame is anger with a target. Avoid phrases like “you always or you never.” In this comment, the “You” followed by “always or never” puts an exaggerated blame target on the person. Aim to have more sympathy for the other rather than make them a blame target. Say “we all suffered,” which implies shared distress.
3. Be Fair; do not exaggerate. Get rid of pride words like “absolutely, surely, always, never, and Of course” but instead use “I concede, I understand, I apprehend, I can imagine, I can see in this case you are right.” Think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
4. The Art of Sorry.  Do not say sorry as a response to an action. First, acknowledge what you have done wrong that elicited such a response, then you can say you are sorry you done that. Here is an example. “I made the unforgivable blunder of X; it was a stupid blunder, and you were nice enough to correct me. I am sorry.” Acknowledgment of the issue is the crucial thing to deflate the rising emotions.

   Say the words, “I’m sorry, I’ll try to do better,” when you apologize and say nothing more. Do not qualify your conduct or make excuses for your actions.

   If the pain is deep, you must announce loudly and clearly, again and again. Let them know they are so vital to you that you are committed to showing that, starting with sorry and then taking corrective action. It is not sufficient to say you are sorry for past actions. Asking “Do you forgive me?” can prevent rehashing an issue over and over.

5. Listen:  Avoid trifling conversation. Do not speak ill of others, especially your boss. Many times, the best thing you can say is to listen and seek to understand.

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